The Wind Beneath My Wings
by Dea Liberty
Summary: If you only knew that it wasn’t selflessness that drove me...It was selfishness.' After it's over, Himeno is assaulted by guilt because she believes herself to be deceiving everyone around her, but what is the truth? Hayameno.


The Wind Beneath My Wings  
  
Disclaimer: Shin Shirayuki Hime Densetsu Pretear is the property of Kaori Naruse and Junichi Satou. All events and actions contained here within are fictional works of the author herself, unless otherwise stated; this is purely in the author's mind.  
  
Pairings: Hayate/Himeno, Sasame/Takako, slight Goh/Mawata  
  
Spoilers: The whole series. This takes place after the series has already ended. Please be warned.  
  
A/N: I've just recently finished watching Pretear and I absolutely adored it...but it was so short! As a fanfiction writer, I couldn't help but want to explore the characters some more. This was the result. My first in what I hope to be many Pretear fics. Enjoy.  
  
The Wind Beneath My Wings  
  
Sasame was reading softly, in that lyrical voice of his, to Takako, whose head was resting in his lap, eyes closed and a small smile on her face. His hand was moving gently through her hair and, every once in a while, he would turn his eyes away from the book to glance briefly at her, violet eyes filled with happiness and absolute adoration.  
  
'Those two are so in love.' Himeno watched them together with a small grin playing on her features. She had been strolling aimlessly when she'd come across the two of them together, and she had been captivated by the feeling of complete bliss that the seemed to radiate from the happy couple.  
  
Sasame tensed, seeming to sense that they were being watched and not sure if the intruder was a threat to his precious princess or not. His earpiece glowed as he listened, ready to defend the girl in his arms to death – again. Himeno made herself known to the Sound Knight, who visibly relaxed and waved at her causing Takako to sit up to see who was there. She smiled brightly at the present Pretear, then settled comfortably back in Sasame's arms, practically melting as he dropped a soft kiss on her head. Himeno waved back at them then carried on walking, leaving the lovers alone again.  
  
She saw the gratitude in their eyes every time they looked at her. Always, their eyes would thank her: for the second chance when all hope had been lost, for understanding and forgiving past mistakes...and for giving everything so that they could both be alive. And every time, guilt assaulted her consciousness.  
  
'If only you knew...'  
  
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They watched her walk away, heading to another part of the garden. She had a lot of things on her mind. Since that fateful battle, Himeno always had something on her mind. She was always wandering the gardens on her own, always in a world of her own.  
  
"She's really something, isn't she?" Takako voiced, still looking at where the girl had been standing. Sasame nodded. "No wonder Hayate is so smitten with her."  
  
Sasame laughed. "Yes...but I wish he'd just tell her...It's not fair to keep her waiting like this. And if he's not careful, she might slip away from his grasp." His embrace tightened. She understood; he still blamed himself for not telling her earlier, for letting her think that she was unloved, unwanted. But she didn't blame him. And she had him now.  
  
"I still don't understand how she could forgive us so easily...After everything we did, she just smiled and let us into her home and her heart. I don't think anyone would have blamed her if she hadn't forgiven us at all. Hayate, especially, felt that she shouldn't have trusted so easily."  
  
"He has every right to still be angry," Sasame replied, thinking about the Wind Knight. Even though Himeno was willing to forgive and forget, Hayate hadn't. He still wouldn't let Himeno be alone with either Takako or Sasame. "We did hurt her. I think that's what he can't forgive – the fact that I betrayed her."  
  
"She really is the Princess Pretear."  
  
They fell silent, both lost in their own thoughts, reliving that day...the day everything changed – and remembering Himeno's easy acceptance of them.  
  
'"It's alright. I don't blame you. I understand. Love makes us do the craziest thing."'  
  
'Yes, Sasame agreed, looking at the small figure nestled safely in his arms, love does make you do the craziest things.'  
  
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Laughter greeted her as she approached the clearing by the lake, laughter and a couple of voices that she knew well. Her eyes lit up as she rounded the corner to come face to face with the sight of Mawata twirling a giggling Shin in her arms and Hajime clinging to her flowing skirt with a huge smile on his face. Mannen sat a short distance away; Goh was showing him something that seemed to have him captivated as the two younger knights played gleefully with their new playmate.  
  
"Himeno onee-chan!" She'd been spotted. Shin waved at her and, after Mawata placed him back on the ground, he came running towards her. He grabbed her hand and tugged her playfully towards the group. "Come and see, Himeno onee- chan, come and see what Mawata onee-chan made for us!"  
  
Mawata had prepared a picnic lunch for the five of them, complete with origami animal decorations.  
  
Since the battle, Mawata had become a favourite of the three youngest knights. They adored her and never seemed to tire of her company, which was exactly what Mawata had needed. She spent most of her time entertaining them usually in the company of Goh. She was now always smiling, kept amused by either Goh's or one of the younger knights' antics.  
  
Himeno noticed the way Goh's eyes always followed Mawata, lit up somewhat similar to Sasame's when he watched Takako. Mawata had gotten herself an admirer and, it seemed, she still had no clue.  
  
"Care to join us?" Mawata asked. "There's plenty for extra. These boys eat so much food...I just never know how much will be enough!" She just laughed at the indignant cries of "Hey!" Himeno grinned happily. Mawata smiling and joking – something that a couple of months ago wouldn't have even been possible.  
  
"It's alright, I'm not hungry yet. You guys go ahead," she replied, laughing.  
  
"She's probably planning to have lunch with Hayate," Mannen declared loudly, earning himself a smack on the head from his Pretear who was, predictably, bright red. He just grinned in reply.  
  
"Fine," she mock glared. "I know where I'm not wanted." She winked at the small group and left through the other gate, leaving them to their own devices.  
  
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Goh shook his head, smiling as he watched Himeno disappear through the gate.  
  
"When will he tell her that he cares?" Mawata asked rhetorically. "And when will she admit that she loves him?"  
  
"Yeah, Mawata onee-chan, I agree," Shin piped. "When he tells her, will he kiss her again? And will she actually know that he does this time?"  
  
Goh laughed loudly. "Hopefully, Shin. But at this rate, who knows huh?"  
  
"I wish that they'd get on with it," Mannen added. "It's rather frustrating having to watch them skirt round the issue every time it comes up even though it's blatantly obvious that they're crazy about each other."  
  
"And they both deserve to be happy. And that's not going to happen until Hayate tells her that he loves her. She deserves it so much...After all she risked for him...for all of us...."  
  
"But don't we all deserve happiness?" Goh asked, looking at her meaningfully, eyes intense. Mawata blushed and turned away in the pretence of offering food. But the meaning had gotten across.  
  
They'd be talking later – after the kids have gone to bed.  
  
'Yes, everyone did deserve to be happy. With each other. Together.'  
  
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In the next garden, Himeno came across her father, mother – and Kei. Her mother, it seemed, was sculpting. Kei. Himeno took a double take. Her mother was sculpting Kei. She choked back the laughter that threatened to overwhelm her as she watched the Light Knight bask in the attention that was being directed towards him by the lady of the house.  
  
He spotted her standing in the entrance and winked.  
  
"Don't move, Kei-san," Natsue scolded. "You'll ruin the pose. Oh, hello, Himeno." Kei obediently stilled.  
  
Her father was sitting, watching the progress, laptop on his lap, working on his new novel. The last one had been a bestseller. It had been about them. It had been about her.  
  
Guilt assaulted her again as she recalled reading the book – as she remembered reading the words that had ended the book.  
  
'She died to save us all. She was willing to sacrifice her life so that her family and her friends could live – and be happy.'  
  
'"Thank you, Himeno. For giving...for caring...simply, for being you. To Himeno!"'  
  
'"To Himeno!"'  
  
Kei watched her stride away, worry clear in his eyes.  
  
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Himeno hurried away, tears threatening to fall at the memory of the celebration party – party for her. Because she had risked everything for them. Because they thought she was selfless.  
  
'If only you knew! If you only knew that it wasn't selflessness. It wasn't at all. Nothing like it. The opposite. I did it because I was selfish. Selfishness. That's what drove me. That's what made me do what I did.  
  
I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to live without everyone there. I didn't want to lose him. I couldn't stand the thought of living in a world without him in it.'  
  
Him. Hayate.  
  
She slipped into another part of the Awayuki estate, intent on finding a secluded space where she could be alone. Where she wouldn't be reminded of the failure that she was. The con-artist. The fraud.  
  
A single tear slipped down her cheek.  
  
She didn't want to lie to them anymore. But she couldn't tell them the truth. She couldn't stand the thought of shattering their belief in her. It was her being selfish again. She didn't want to disappoint. She didn't want to go back to being no-one or useless. Not again.  
  
Another tear followed the path of the first, then another – and another. Soon there was an endless stream, and she was completely powerless to stop them.  
  
Her self-reproaching session was halted suddenly when she felt another presence in the garden. She had been so wrapped up in her guilt that she hadn't even checked if the garden was empty. Great.  
  
It could only be one person. Unless it was Mayune or Tanaka, it could only be one person.  
  
'Please no. Please don't let it be...'  
  
Slowly – reluctantly – she raised her tear stained face. And her eyes met a piercing azure gaze.  
  
'Hayate.'  
  
The last person she wanted to see...and to see her in this state.  
  
She tore her gaze away from the eyes that she would gladly drown in and turned, fully intent on fleeing. Preferably somewhere she wouldn't be found. Ever. But Hayate had other plans.  
  
As if sensing her intent, his hand shot out, fast as lightning, and grabbed her wrist, turning her to him...and into his embrace.  
  
This is what she'd done it for. This is what she'd risked everything for. This is what she'd given her life for...to be in his arms...to hear his heart beating...to feel the warmth he radiated.  
  
She had understood Takako's pain, helplessness and hopelessness when she had to stand there and watch Sasame die – die protecting her. She had felt that pain. Hayate had died protecting her too. And she hadn't wanted to live. At that moment, she had also understood Sasame's reasons for betraying them. For love. Anything for love. Everything for love.  
  
She buried her face in his chest and sobbed.  
  
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Hayate had been tending to the tulips in the garden when Himeno had rushed in, tears streaming down her face, completely unaware that there was anyone there. When her eyes rose to meet his, he felt his heart break at the pain he saw buried in their depths. Why hadn't anyone noticed that she was hurting?  
  
He had never told her to her face what she meant to him, never told her that he'd kissed her, that he'd prayed for her. She had only known that he'd cried for her – as she had cried for him. He had never told her, thinking himself unworthy of such a prize, but at that moment, he gave into his heart's desire and pulled her close, wanting to offer comfort the only way he knew how.  
  
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When the sobbing had given way to just shaky intakes of breath as she calmed down, he had asked what was wrong, wanting to know who had hurt her...who had dared to hurt her. But she had shaken her head trying to pull away from him, asking him why. Why did he want to know so badly what was wrong? It wasn't like it was something that he could get rid of. It wasn't something that anyone could help her with.  
  
But he had insisted. And she had told. And he hadn't laughed. He hadn't made fun of her, or let her go.  
  
He had kissed her.  
  
He had spoken softly to her, apologising to her, telling her of his fears, his belief that he didn't deserve her. He explained to her what she hadn't known but had always wondered about – the reason that she had come back after the battle to find herself in his arms; that he had kissed her then...and that he loved her.  
  
And now, she was drifting off in his arms, having exhausted herself completely. She had never felt so warm, so safe...so 'loved'...in her life. She was cradled protectively to his chest, listening to his heart beat, feeling his chest rise and fall with every breath he took. He was running his hand soothingly through her hair, cheek resting on the top of her head, just enjoying the freedom of being able to hold her.  
  
This is what she did it for.  
  
For love.  
  
For HIM  
  
For Hayate.  
  
There was nothing to be ashamed of. It didn't make a difference. Whether selfishness or selflessness, it had come down to the same thing: she hadn't wanted to live with them – without him – and she had been willing to die if it meant that they would all be okay. Whatever the reason, she had done it – she had died for them...for him.  
  
It didn't matter why. Only that she loved him enough.  
  
He was her knight.  
  
He was the wind beneath her wings.  
  
He was hers.  
  
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The end...or the beginning...  
  
A/N: Well, that wasn't bad for a first shot at Pretear fanfiction, was it? Let me know. This is unbeta-ed so if you spot anything drastically wrong with it, please let me know. Please, if you could just take a few minute to tell me what you think. I would like to know; otherwise I can't improve, can I? Comments will be adored; flames will be used to toast marshmallows.  
  
Thanks for your time! Dea 


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